http://PrettyMeUglyHer.blogspot.com
FERLYN (:
Thursday, March 31, 2011
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4:56 PM
I trust no one in this world except for myself. I'd learnt that even the closest one to you will turn around and stab you at the back. It happened so many times, to the extent that I stop giving complete trust. I ain't even close to you guys. Who are you to condemn me? Fuck you guys man! But I trust you girl. It's only fair that I trust since you trusted me. My bff, who knew everything about me. To be honest, I'm pretty jealous cause you becoming cai now. *pouts* Next time go chiong then you get more guys than me. I will jealous. HAHAHA! I'm just kidding babe! It's good that you become cai. We can GDP together! :D
you're MINE!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
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6:27 PM
Okay, this ain't for anyone to read but I just wanna say it all out. My mind's really fucked up right now. I've been thinking. What the hell happened yesterday. I did something really ridiculous yesterday. Don't even know how it started and why I did it. I literally agreed to play fling with a player. What the fuck seriously. But I backed out in the end. I just couldn't do it. Say that I have no guts or whatsoever. I ain't some slut so I can't bring myself to do it. Perhaps, I'm tired of flinging. Been flinging quite a lot in the past. Got hurt in love, didn't want to believe in love so I fling. But I get pretty much nothing from it. Nothing is real anyway. They just come and go. So what's the point? I wanted to get out from this mess quite badly so I argued with the player. He's pretty pissed with me but I don't give a fuck la. I still wanna be friends with him but doubt it will happen anyway. He's really REALLY REALLY pissed now. Guess we're strangers now. My definition of fling? It's the feeling of infatuation. When the feeling dies, everything ends. Nothing else. Am I stupid or something? Why the heck do I still believe in love when I got pretty much shit from my last relationship? I always believed that the next guy will be better though it never happens. Kinda sucky honestly. I'm turning 20 and all the guys I met are just jerks? I'm starting to believe that there's only cassonova left in this world. Damn pathetic ain't it? Omg, such a cruel reality. Jin Quan, Wilson, Yudhi, Hu Han, Yida, Ray, Shawn, Royston, Rictus, Junda, Zack, Remy, Huijie and those clubbers I met? Gosh. The number is big. It's more than 15. Dude, more than 15. How sad can this be? None of them is meant to stay. I don't want the number to keep increasing. I had enough. When I was 16, he promised to get married with me when we turn 18. He broke his promise and ditched me 4 days before I turn 17. When I was 19, I wanted him to be my last guy. He said that we'll get married if we are still together when we're 22. But he was lying through his teeth from the start. None of his words were the truth and he lied to me all the while. In between, on and off flings which I get nothing out of it. I feel quite upset. It's like I'm being played most of the time. Being made used and toyed with. But I feel guilty as well. Cause I did toy with guys who wanted to get serious with me. I made them fell for me and then I ditched them. I even made guys shed tears for me. What a terrible person I am. I just wanted to fling at that time. I didn't want to go serious cause I got hurt. But now, I'm tired of being hurt. I want to be loved. I'm tired of those "come and go" guys. I want a guy who will stay. Honestly, I envy those couples who are together for years. Cause I haven't met one. I really want to believe that I will meet one. But it's hard, after being through so much. Because I want to be serious now, I can't fling anymore. I don't want to regret in the future. Despite having flings in the past, I haven't regret any of my decisions. It's life experience, ain't it? It's never guaranteed what will happen tomorrow. I just do whatever I want and still be the Queen in my life. I experienced how it feels to fling and now, I want to have a serious relationship that eventually, I will get something out of it. Commitment for a lifetime. It takes time so I won't rush. I believe that whatever that is meant to be mine, will be mine eventually. Nothing's gonna change this fact. He will accept me for who I am and not lie to me, cause lying is the one thing I hate the most and won't tolerate. I'm pretty much still feeling confused. I was right to back out from the deal, wasn't I? Why do I feel as if I was wrong to argue with you? Is it because I lost you as a friend for good? Gosh, I don't want to think anymore. You do whatever you want and I do whatever I want. If our paths won't cross, then so be it. I don't give a fuck. You already state your point and I'd made my stand. Be strangers then, if that's what you want. I've learnt to let go and move on fast. That's the fastest way to end misery no matter how much I struggle inside. No point getting tangeled in draggy business and get myself stucked in shit. It will only make me feel more pain. Guess that's in my blood. It made me turn out to who I am today. I don't like to clash with other people so I always do things that made me unique. I'm just like being the unique one. So, it's logical when I choose to let go and move on fast right? Other people take ages but I can just do it immediately. I don't want to lose my smile. You see my point? It doesn't matter if no one understands the way I do things. I got used to it anyway. I understand myself is enough.
you're MINE!
Friday, March 25, 2011
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1:14 AM
Gosh. Blog's been dead for so long so I'm here to revive it. *Blows* TADAAAAAA!! Alright, where shall I start? Ever since I broke up with the jerk, I'm more cautious. To me honest, I don't trust the people around me now. And the reason is because I'll never know when they will turn around and stab me or worst, betray the trust I gave to them. My stand is still the same. Never once change. I don't lie to people so I hate it when people lie to me. But I must admit, I have secrets. I didn't lie about it though. It's just that I chose not to say about it. It's my secret, not yours anyway.
People come and go everyday. Just like the guys in my life as well. They come and go, and never meant to stay. No matter whatever shit they say, I don't believe in it anymore. Maybe not now. I'm not being depressed but that's the truth. The reality in this cruel world. Ain't it weird? Girls want guys who are handsome, caring, and love them. But too bad. They don't really exist in this era now. Go back to ice age, maybe, you still can find them. Guys I met nowadays? Cassanova. That's it. Nothing else. That's the pathetic thing. Girls who have many guys are sluts. So guys who have many girls are what? Bastards? And, don't tell me guys who can get many girls are legend. I don't give a fuck. Who's gonna get married to a man who has a truckload full of other women? Dumbass ._.
Blah. It's getting too much. All those piercings and ink on me, is making me look so ah lian in the eyes of those conservative people. I just don't get it. Body piercings and tattoo is art. And please get this straight into your mind. Body modifications doesn't change character. I'm still me. So why the heck people link them to being ah lian or whatever? Lame shit man! So, I'm an ah-lian-wannabe now eh? Fine. I'm gonna be a good girl and don't go clubbing for this week then. Guess what? I always wanted piercings and ink on me. But I wasn't that rebellious when I was younger. I didn't want to. Now, I'm unleashing the rebel in me bit by bit. I knew it right from the start. I'm just a bad girl in disguise. And no one appreciates it. But fuck it! I can't be bothered as well!
And just being random, motives. That's what's on my mind now. Tell me, what's your motive for coming near me? You made me go crazy for you, broke my heart, and left me alone to deal with all the heartache. What's the point of all these? I had enough. If I ever met a jerk again, I'll stick my middle finger right at his face and walk away. Cause my middle finger says " Fuck you!"
you're MINE!
